The night went on and both the conversation and the beer flowed smoothly.
I admit, i'm not overly familiar with Irish ale but this shit is strong. As the pints continued my eyes began to grow
dim and my hearing began to fade. It was a bizarre sensation, I was not really tired just more in a trance, hypnotized
ny both her beauty and the drink. As I drifted deeper into this peaceful condition all went black and silent.
I felt safe, like I was in some sanctuary and then finally the only thing I could hear was Rose whispering in my ear...
"Of course I do," I whispered in response. By this point we had all but forgotten
about the Hostel and the trip itself, we thought we lived in Ireland and everything was good.
We staggered ou of the pub and went quietly down the empty streets. It was
really dark and a bit chilly but despite all of this I felt comfortable, soon all was black again.
I awoke to the sound of disco music, 'Disco Inferno' by the Trampps to be precise.
it was coming from the other room.
The room I was in was dark, only remants of light through the partially open door
passed through to give a soft and tranquil glow. The hallway and other rooms beyond this were also dimly lit.
I was on my back and staring at the ceiling, woozy from the beer and still a little drunk.
'What now?' I thought, 'Where am I?' What had happened here? Let me think,
okay, I'm in Ireland, was at a pub and...
'Yes! I scored!'
My thoughts were too loud at this point then they turned to other concerns, 'What
about Willie and Gordon?' what happened to them? Did the other girls like them as much?
I heard a voice from the other room. It was a male voice. I was frightened,
'What if this was some jealous lover?' I thought, 'Is he going to come in here and try something?' I needed info, i decided
"Turn this shite off already." The first voice commanded.
"It's disco." Responded a second male voice, "I like disco."
"Your grandma likes disco."
"Don't insult me granma."
"Ever heard the term, 'Disco Sucks'?" The first voice asked.
"Then you should like it."
The music went off for some reason and now I could hear them more clearly.
"Fuck, what is it with you, Shamus?" The first voice inquired. "You listen
to disco, you live in a depressing past that is long sonce forgotten and you're the only vampire I know who's a drunk.
Come on, you're a fucking immortal, so live."
"I used to live," The second voice responded. "I used to thump all kinds
of people before this terrible curse. Fuckin people would piss me off and I'd thump 'em good! Then it was off
to the disco to get me all the finest pussy in Dublin." He paused a moment then confessed, "It was good."
"It still is good," The second voice stated.
"No, O'Malley, it's not," The first voice complained, "Now everybody is so bloody
uptight, religious even. The fun of the seventies are gone."
"Sorry, Shamus," The first voice said solomnly, "Disco is dead."
"And so is the hottest pussy in Dublin," Shamus lamented.
"There are lots of girls, Shamus,"
"Girls, not like Laura. She was fun, full of life and passion."
"And you sit here drunk and feeling sorry for yourself," The first voice stated,
"The irony is too much."
Well, that confirms a few things. First of all, being a morose vampire is
not all that cool. Second, I was surrounded by bloodsucking creatures of the night and my traveling companions are nowhere
to be found.
I was panicky.
Then things became worse.
"Ah, I see you're awake," The drunk one slurred in a whisper as he entered the
"oh, no," I thought in panic as the undead monster drew near. It was a classic child's
nightmare, the demon was upon me and I was helpless.
"Get up," The Vampire told me in his thick Irish accent.
I sat up on the bed and let my eyes adjust to the darkness.
"Hungover are ye?" He commented.
"A little," I responded, now consciously aware of my headache.
"Aaahhh... Nothing to worry about," He said, "Soon you won't feel a thing." He opened
his mouth and hissed as he moved closer to me neck to bite it.
"Whoah!" I yelled as I stood up in reaction at the last possible second.
He flew upward and stood in front of me, "You're my bloodmeal, I'm a serious Vampire," He told
"Pal, I'm nobody's lunch," I commented. I knew it would be the moment of truth, I would
have to fight.
"Shamus!!" Rose's voice loudly rang through the house. Before I knew it she had spun him
around to face her and kicked him in the balls.
Now, I don't care how immortal or how evil you are, that's gotta hurt in any case.
Shamus reacted in pain, confirming my theory.
"You bitch," He threatened.
"How many times do I have to tell you, 'Get your own meals!'?" She questioned, accenting her
interrogative statement with a punch to his face.
I immediately clued in that something was amiss, "Meals?" I questioned.
As Rose told me to 'Shut-Up!' I got a feeling that things had just gotten a bit worse.
"Get out of here, Shamus! You lousy bum!" She yelled as she pushed him out of the bedroom.
"Uh, what's this about, 'Meals'?" I asked curiously.
"You are MY bloodmeal," Rose said to me in a seductive voice. She closed the bedroom door
and all went very dark. Now only the gentle glow from the full moon outside lit the room.
She turned around and walked slowly towards me.
"Uh, I don't taste good," I commented, it was a last-ditch defense I admit.
"Oh, but you do," She corrected, "Surely you remember our love making."
God, I must have been drunk to forget something that good.
"There are a couple of things you have that I want to suck," She commented, "Your blood is the
other one." She gently stroked my shoulders and kissed my mouth.
"I should be complimented," I commented, kissing her back.
The kissing became deeper and more passionate, As she held me and dug her nails into my
back, she began tearing through my shirt. I knew that I might not have been drunk the first time, just merely enraptured
by this beatiful woman's passion. Vampire or not, she is one fantastic lover.
She ripped off my shirt and then began removing my pants. She wouldn't stop, she straddled
my hips and quickly tore off her top.
Flopping gently onto me, I began to suckle on her beautiful breasts. She moaned wildly
as my tongue danced gingerly on her erect nipples.
I clutched he tightly as she ran her fingers through my hair. She slipped down on top
of me and began riding my manhood.
It was beyond awesome. She howled like some wild animal who hasn't made love in over a
century. A lifetime of passion and hunger, unleashed with a fury, in one session of pure and unbridled sex.
She kissed me, she held me, she dug into me with her fingernails and finally...
She bit me.
I freely submitted, I wanted to be a Vampire, To be her lover and be like this for all eternity.
It was my current idea of perfection. I continued holding her as I felt my blood flowing out of my neck. Her warm
mouth coddled the wound and gave me a feeling of extasy. All I could do now was hold her and love her. Love, the
way we both deserved it to be.
"I'm Fuckin' Hungry!" The voice yelled.
Shamus burst in and grabbed Rose with one hand.
If I hadn't let go of her he would have cut rith through her and split her in two.
"Aahh!!" Rose screamed in frustration.
I caught a glimpse of her eye and saw a look of pure hatred as a million plans for revenge raced
through her mind.
Shamus bit my neck immediately. Now, this did not feel nearly as good. I punched
and kicked as much as possible as I struggled to break out of this evil situation. It was no use, I thought I was dead
until Rose, in all of her naked glory, pulled the evil and possibly homosexual Vampire off of me.
She lifted him above her head with both hands and carried him into the living room.
"BASTARD!!" She screamed as she body slammed Shamus down onto the floor. He hit with such
a force that it shook the entire house. "I told you, 'GET YOUR OWN MEALS!!'". She stated firmly as she stood on his
neck. He grabbed her foot and tried to resist, then twisted her ankle.
She spun with the twist and followed through with a kick to his head. She landed
on her feet.
The two exchanged a look of poison, it was an unfortunate stalemate.
'Is Vampire life always this much drama?' I pondered, 'It's a lot like the drinking binges on
campus, about a week before mid-terms.'
Rose walked back towards me and grabbed me by my penis as she led me back to the bedroom.
She slammed the door shut and pushed me on the bed.
"Where were we?" She asked rhetorically.
The love making continued throughout the night. She was pure magic, every movement, every
spasm, every subtle twitch of her body gave me a sensation of intense pleasure in body parts that I had no idea even existed.
It was a heightened state of awareness.
I have had sex before, I had made love before, but what we did transcended us into a whole new
romantic dimension. It was wonderful.
I awoke at some point before dawn, all was quiet. Rose was no longer in bed or in the
room. It was all too quiet, no disco music blairing, no drama, no vampires pining for the days gone by. It actually
I got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. It was quite clean and well organized.
I lifted the seat and stood calmly as I peed. I sighed softly to myself, I felt like a
man. As I finished peeing I heard something, a door opening. I turned around and looked out the bathroom door.
"Oh, fuck man, it's you," Willie said, "Outta the way, I gotta..." He ran past me and
into the bathroom. "Ohhh, yeahhh... Beer, you only rent it."
I turned the other way to not witness this morning ritual.
"Man, that Imelda," Willie commented, "What an ass."
"You too? Way to go, Willie," I smiled.
"Yep, so how was Rose?" He asked as he shook out the last of it.
"Fantastic," I smiled.
"Right on," Gordon commented as he walked down the hall, "What a great trip."
"Tell me about it," Willie smiled.
"I gotta," Gordon said quietly as he gently moved Willie aside. Now Willie and I turned
our heads to give him some privacy.
Looking around the empty house, something struck me as a being a tad strange, "Uh, where is
everybody?" I asked.
"They're probably at work," Gordon responded, speaking loudly over the noise of the splashing.
"No,didn't you hear the arguing and fighting?" I pointed out, "Guys, they are all vampires."
"Aura's not," Gordon defended as he finished, "See? No teeth marks."
"Me neither," Willie said, pointing to his neck.
They both looked at my neck and saw the wound.
"Ha,Todd got a hickey," Willie laughed.
"It's not a hickey," I corrected in a calm voice, "Shit, she bit me and so did he."
"He?" Gordon laughed, "Hey, my boy was in a threesome."
"Ha," Willie laughed, "I didn't know you swung that way.
"Fuck off!" I defended, "Shamus, the vampire, burst in and bit my neck. He was hungry
"Weird fucking nightmare," Willie commented.
"Does this look like a nightmare?" I asked defensively as I pointed to my wound.
"No," Gordon answered, "It looks like a hickey."
"But the fighting, the disco music, it was Disco Inferno. Cranked up loud enough to wake
"I didn't hear anything," Willie said, "I was in that bedroom." He pointed to to the one
next to the bedroom I was in. He should have heard it, he must have.
"I didn't hear anything either," Gordon added, "Sorry."
The front door of the house creaked open and the sound of quiet footsteps followed, somebody
had entered the house. The three of looked at each other in curious anticipation that it might be one of the girls.
Without a word, we decided to investigate.
Gordon took the lead and Willie and I followed. The livingroom looked empty but the front
door swung open loosely. The sun was now just over the horizon and outside all looked quiet in the fresh morning air.
The three of us were totally curious as to what a tow truck was doing in the quiet town's street in front of the house.
"Well? Are ye just gonna stand there or are ye gonna help an old man?"
The three of us turned to see the source of the voice. It was Father Flanagan at the top
of the stairs, he was pushing a casket from out of the cellar.
"Help me!" He commanded. We had no time to debate. We quickly moved to the front
of the casket he was pushing and pulled on it, brining it into the living room.
"Outside, lads, outside," The good Father continued pushing as we helped him all we could.
We dragged the caoffin outside to the front yard. The neighbourhood was quiet and the
streets were empty.
"Avert ye eyes, lads." Father Flanagan commanded. He was a bit late.
With no time to turn around, we saw him open the casket and immediately a body inside of it
burst into flames. The sound of the wretched vampire screaming was enough to turn your stomach. It was horrible,
he sat up as if he wanted to escape the killing rays of the sun but to no avail. He was toast.
"Wow." Gordon commeneted softly.
"Never saw that one coming." Willie stated.
"Hey, What the Fuck?!" I exclaimed, "What if that was Rose?"
"What if..?" Father Flanagan questioned, "Are you a Vampire lover, or something?"
"Maybe," I replied, unsure of what was going on at this point.
"He made love to a woman in this house last night," Willie squealed on me like a nine-year
old, "So did I," He smiled, "We all did."
"Well..." Father Flanagan commented, we braced ourselves for the upcoming lecture, "Sins of
the fleah, that's a dozen 'Hail Mary's' each."
"Enough with the Pennance," I commented, sounding a bit like captian Kirk, "What, the hell,
is, going, on??"
"What does it look like?" The good father asked.
"Yeah, Todd," Gordon added, "We became mixed up with a gang of Vampires and now Father Flanagan,
vampire slayer, is going to rid the world of this horrible evil. Am I right, Padre?"
"Aye," Father Flanagan confirmed as he walked to the tow truck that he had parked on the street.