Theorotica (C)James Janos,2002
Welcome to the club
Dream Police copyright James Janos 2009
Welcome to the club
Sheldon Hitler (Copyright James Janos, 2007)
The word of Apathicon
ESPIAL copyright James Janos 2007
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Theorotica Chapter 02
Theorotica: Chapter 03: Ares
Theorotica: Chapter 04
Theorotica: Chapter 05
Theorotica: Chapter 06
Theorotica Chapter 07: Godsummit
Theorotica: Conclusion
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Welcome to the Club
Copyright James Janos 2009

Scene: Cafeteria at the Loyal Genorra, a private sports club in Northern Canada.
Jim: (Narrative)  There's nothing quite like the feeling you have as you walk away at the end of a really good movie.  For a brief moment in time the afternoon is warmer, the sun shines brighter and all things truly seem possible.  For a brief moment in time reality does not exist.  It's as if the future has already come and gone and, even though you may not remember it, somehow, deep down inside, you know it's going to work out fine.  Some cal this feeling....
Dee: What the hell are you doing?
JIm:(Shaking himself awake) HUH?
Dee: You were spacing out.
Jim: Yeah.  This coffee doesn't work so well anymore.
Dee: That's because you drink too much of it.
JIm: Yeah. (Looks around)  Loyal Genorra cafeteria, the stuff of broken dreams.
(Enter Meghan-who sits down beside Jim): You're being mellowdramatic.
JIm: A little, perhaps.
Dee: So you think all these kids have 'Broken Dreams'?
Jim: Possibly, Dee.
Dee: Yeah, right.  These kids have more privilege than most.
Jim: Sure, but what I'm saying is they don't know what the future holds for them.
Meghan: Doesn't that apply to all of us?
Dee: Yeah, and you don't see us getting all emotional about it.
Jim: You're not as old as I am.
Dee: Oh, so you're so wise and sagely all of a sudden?
Jim: Me?  I'm immature, but I have lived.
Enter Monica: Oh God!  What am I supposed to do for this birthday party I gotta plan?
Jim: What's the challenge, Me-onica?
Meghan (Laughing) ME-onica?
Jim: What?  Oh man, I eat too much tuna, I swear I'm becoming a cat.
Meghan: Just warn me if you feel the urge to lick yourself.
Monica: My birthday party that I'm planning, this kid wants a G.I. Joe theme.
JIm: Cool, you can have him and his friends rescue their army buddies from the Viet-Cong.
Monica: Ty Li is Vietnamese.
JIm: Irony, ouch.
Meghan: I think the kid wants the new G.I. Joe, the one that fights COBRA.
JIm: RIght, okay Monica, get a bunch of guys to dress all in black and be the bad guys.
Monica: Guys dressed all in black.  Gee, who does that sound like?
-All look at Jim- He is dressed in black as he is a club employee.
Jim: RIght.  Member service people dress in black.
Meghan: You'd be fighting twelve year-olds all day.
Monica: What am I Going to do?
JIm: A P.O.W. theme.  Joe and his platoon are captured by this COBRA, you can tie 'em up and gag 'em for a few hours.
-All stare at Jim-
JIm: Fine, you come up with something.
Monica: Well, I gotta go and figure something out.  You're not being any help by the way.
JIm: I tried. (Stands up)  I gotta get back to the desk, but first... (Goes to the coffee dispenser) (Narrative): The walk from the cafeteria to the desk is a long one.  Passing the tables of young members in their sports outfits.  Skating, Tennis, Badminton, you name it. 
     I really shouldn't say it's all 'Broken Dreams'.  Many of these kids have yet to start, yet to prove themselves as winners, still waiting to say, "Put me in coach.  I'll show you what I can do."
     In some ways we have alot in common.
(Jim continues, walking out into the hallway and looking through the glass that is above the Badminton Courts.)
     The Badminton is another story.  Middle aged teenagers playing out the last of their youthful energy.  They used to play tennis but have moved on to a game that is much faster.  I guess it's only appropriate to play a faster game as you get older as time itself seems to accelerate.
-Jim arrives at the desk.  There is an occurence at a bench with a few people surrounding one elderly member.
JIm(Getting in behind the desk): Qu'est-ce-que c'est?
Lee: Possible heart attack.  I called 911.
JIm: Excellent, now I gotta fill out paperwork.  Why do these things always happen to me?
Lee: YOU?  HE's the one having the coronary.
JIm: Lucky bastard.
(Enter the Paramedics)
JIm: OKay, let's get this over with.  (Looks at the Paramedic with a smile) Name?
Paramedic 1: What?
Paramedic 2: Open the gate!
Lee: (Opening the gate) You're an idiot.
Jim: Now that's just hurtful.
Lee: A man is dying.
Jim: Club rules.  I don't write 'em.  Supposed to sign in all guests.  Social guests, no charge on his account.
-As the Paramedics wheel their patient past the desk on a stretcher, the elderly member smiles at Jim and gives him a thumbs-up.-
JIm: You take care now, Mr. Glockenspiel. (Returns the 'Thumbs-up' gesture.)  See, he doesn't mind. (Sits down and pulls out a form from the filing cabinet)  Ironic, isn't it?
Lee: What?
JIm: We work at a private sports club and our members that are supposed to be getting healthy kick-off from heart attacks.  Really makes you think.
Lee: What, about death?
JIm: Death is inevitable.  I mean the it makes you think about the stuff you could do before death. (Continues filling out the paperwork.)  Used the defrib...  Defibbb...  How do you spell 'DEFIBRILATOR'?
Lee: I'm going on my break.
JIm: And now I'm all alone with all this work.  Thanks, Lee.
-Monica walks by the desk-
JIm: Boot Camp!
Monica: What?
JIm: Your birthday party.  Put the kids through boot camp.  It was good enough for G.I. Joe so it's good enough for them.
Monica: Boot Camp?
JIm: Yeah, anybody can serve cake bu how many parties make the kids do plyometric exercise?
Monica: mmm...  NO.
Jim: Monica, I'm trying my best.
(Monica walks away and JIm sits down)
JIm: It is a lonely life at the reception desk.  Sure the members file in by the scores but is there ever any real connection?  A quick glance, a word or two, maybe a wave. (Smiles and greets a member) Unappreciated and ignored, the reception desk workers continue to fight the good the good fight.
(Enter Lena, a member of the club, she is eighteen.)
Lena: No fight is a good fight.
Jim:(Looks up at Lena and stands to his feet)
Lena: You were talking to yourself again. (Fobs herself in)
JIm: Well, if you were around to listen then I guess I wasn't talking to myself.
Lena: You didn't know I was here.
Jim: DIdn't I? 
Lena: I need a bandage.
Jim: Adhesive bandage, stat.  (Grabs her a bandage) If it's serious you should clean the wound first, you don't want an infection.
Lena: It's for a blister. (Raises her finger)
Jim: For a moment I thought you were getting defensive.  (Applies bandage to the blister) All better.
Lena: Thanks you just improved my game.
Jim: Remember me when you're famous.
Lena: Very few badminton players become famous.
Jim: Well we'll have to change all that.  We'll make a movie about two badminton players in love but find turmoil in their growing relationship and tragically part due to an untimely death.  We'll call it 'Bye Bye Birdie'.
Lena: A tragic comedy where things go from Badminton to worse.
Jim: (Smiles) Exactly
Lena: (Smiling) You are soooo weird and I got a lesson, see ya.
Jim: Enjoy.
(Enter Lee): Obnoxious.
JIm: Excuse me?
Lee: NIne letter word for annoying or offensive, I gotta call Meghan.(Grabs phone)
Jim: Oh, Crossword puzzles.
Lee:(On phone) Yeah, I saw Jim here and the answer just hit me.
JIm: That does it, I;m going to get some coffee. (Walks away, up the stairs to the lounge.)  Lauren, Eva and Zoe, three of the best servers in the food industry.  Last week, we were short staffed and the three of them served all five function rooms, each to capacity.  They all got complimented on there work and received tips, true story. (Enters the lounge and approaches the bar.) Hello Lauren.
Lauren: Coffee?
JIm: Yeah, please.
(as Lauren gets the coffee her cell phone rings):Dammit!  GO Away!!
JIm: Troubles?
Lauren: (Putting the coffee of the counter) Ex-Boyfriend, he won't leave me alone.
Jim: Some people can't take a hint.
Lauren: Exactly.  So I heard you had some excitement down there.
Jim: Well, that's personal information.
(Enter Eva): She's talking about the desk.
JIm: Yeah, Mr. Glockenspiel had some medical problems, close call for us because if he neede the defibrillator, he'd be out of luck.
Eva: Why is that?
JIm: We were playing 'Shock the Mouse'.
Luren: You are horrible.
Jim: Won twenty bucks.
Eva: So now you have a dead mouse and a dead defibrillator.
Jim: Well the Mouse isn't quite dead.
(Eva And Lauren look at him)
Jim: He was quite a fighter, you should see Bob's hands.
Lauren: So that explains his recent peanut butter addiction.
Eva: Well, he always was a 'Mice' guy.  Nice guy, Mice guy...
JIm And Lauren:(Giggling) Yeah, we get it.
(Jim returns to the reception desk and sits down in front of his computer): Let's see...  Where was I....  Oh yeah, Mitch has been kidnapped the evil Dr. Mung.
Lee: Who is Mitch?
Jim: MItch, the gassiest kid on Earth.  It's a story I'm working on.  See, the evil Dr. Mung has Mitch in an airtight bag wearing a respirator so he won't suffocate.
Lee: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah, because if Mitch farts then the police dogs can track his scent for hundreds of miles.
Lee: And seeing as he is the gassiest kid on Earth....
JIm: Right, so MItch is in this airtight bag see, and he starts farting.  Farts like there's no tomorrow.  This causes the bag to expand with such force that it pops and breaks the trunk of the car open.  Thus allowing a heroic escape.
Lee: By farting?  What is wrong with you?
Jim: I wish I knew.  But someday, this will be bigger than Harry Potter.
Lee: No...  No it won't.
JIm: It gets dramatic, later he let's out a dreaded wet one.
(Enter Monica): I just want to tell you guys, I'm quitting.
JIm: WHaaa???
Monica: Yep. Just handed in my two weeks notice.
Jim: But who is going to plan the Birthday Parties??

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